By Ian Chillag

By my count, things thrown in this Ukraine Parliament meeting:

1) 18 eggs
2) 9 punches
3) 1 smoke bomb

There are lots of amazing wrestling moves here, namely the guy who just lays down on top of a scrum of other guys. But the most amazing thing is that the Speaker of the Parliament came prepared with an umbrella. I take it this happens often?

Please, please let our financial reform debate here in the US devolve into a pillow fight.

I don't know if it technically qualifies as a sandwich, but we'll expand Sandwich Monday to Sandwichball Monday just this once so we can try the Hot Pockets Sideshots. It's a bread ball encompassing cheeseburger or chicken product. Where the KFC Double Down eliminated bread, the Sideshot expands it, yet both manage to be more disgusting than the original. To the Test Cubicle!

Mike: Last time I saw this, Han Solo was stuffing Luke into it to keep him warm.
Peter: It's like a pre-chewed burger. They've taken that step for you.
Ian: It does save time.
Mike: The next iteration is just a straw where you suck up the cheese and meat.

Ian: You don't often eat food in spheres, except fruit. This is like eating meat fruit.
Eva: I have to say it's not bad.
Ian: I have to say it is bad.
Mike: There's just too much bread.
Ian: Yeah, it'd be better if there was a sphere of fried chicken around it.

Ian: It's too hot. You know what, I just criticized this pocket for being hot. I should have known, because it's a Hot Pocket.
Peter: But it's not really a pocket.
Ian: Right, it's a ball. A Hot Ball.

Ian: Look in there. It's a meat cave.
Peter: "Heat, Break, and Eat?" It's like a sequel to Eat, Pray, Love.
Mike: It's a prequel. You Heat, Break, Eat, Pray, Love.

Ian: What about the name? SIDESHOTS! It makes me think you should keep them in a holster.
Peter: Maybe it's called that because it's a side dish.
Mike: What's the main course?
Eva: A regular Hot Pocket.

By Ian Chillag

I have so many questions. My first question is: Sears? My second question is: why is it wearing a rubber glove?

(via your #1 source for iPhone scoops and unsettling pillows, Gizmodo)

By Ian Chillag

Something I've always wondered, at least since the last time new money came out: why does money need an advertisement? I mean, it's money. It's not like I'm going to go back to bartering if I'm not into the new money. Any ideas?

...it gets all diva and changes its name to this cryptic symbol. How am I supposed to say this?

If by the time you click this slightly NSFW link, it takes you to one of those sad "this video has been removed" notices instead of a hilarious Hitler-reacts-to-something parody, blame Constantin Films. They made "Downfall," and they've called for the parodies to be pulled. "Hitler-reacts-to" videos have become an internet institution, as much as Keyboard Cat, or Jeeves, and I will be sad to see them go.

How long before a "Hitler reacts to Hitler-reacts-to-videos being shut down" video is created? Internet, get on it!

By Ian Chillag

Yes, yes, I know we posted a video of Carl's first pitch last week, but this one's better for one big reason: the fist pump.

Also, I know on the last post I should have put a comma in "Put Him In Coach." I would never put Carl anywhere but First Class, and his pitch blew the grammar right out my brain.

By Mike Danforth

We all have our Achilles' heels. Things that weaken us to the point of capitulation or at least ruin our day. For the Wicked Witch of the West, it was water. For the Death Star, it was that damn exhaust port. For Peter Sagal, it's certain words. They ruin him. Exhibit A: this question from last week's show. It didn't make air, but it illustrates the point (and also explains why Peter failed the oral exam in freshman anatomy).

By Peter Sagal

There's a saying in Washington DC that the most dangerous place to be is between Sen. Chuck Schumer and a camera. Not true: it's apparently far more dangerous to be between Sen. Schumer and his sandwich:

The senator apparently gives aides grief if his trademark sandwich, nicknamed the "Schumwich," is not ordered correctly, according to a report in the New York Post.

Staffers are told to ask for extra pickles only after a layer of pickles is applied to ensure there are "extra" enough. According to the Post, the "Schumwich" consists of roast beef, banana peppers, pickled jalapenos, extra onions, extra tomatoes, two layers of pickles, mustard and mayonnaise.

Want one? You can buy your very own at a Subway for about $6.75.

This made us wonder: if there were sandwiches named for us, officially or not, what would they be? The "Carl Kasell" would be something like a peanut butter and jelly on Wonder Bread: sweet, smooth, and not at all crusty.

We accept your nominations for WWDTM Sandwiches in comments.

Our Official Judge and Scorekeeper, and let's face it, our hero, Carl Kasell throws out the first pitch at the St.Louis Cardinals game Wednesday night. If you know Carl, you already know he threw a strike, but it's worth watching anyway.

This exists. (via Costco)

By Ian Chillag

So, you've got your assault rifle, your gas mask, and old Saved By the Bell vids to keep you entertained, but when the apocalypse comes, what are you going to eat? Zombie meat is so gamey! Well not too worry, Costco has the answer: for just $799.99, you can keep you and any other remaining members of the human race fed for one year. Dubious? Read the reviews:

You will not be disappointed in the quality, taste and variety. My only complaint is the food tastes so good that it is hard to keep in storage!

Careful, Snarfer from NJ! Save some for 2012!

Concerned as we are about Wiemar Republic-like hyperinflation, we bought this product. One can had cracked open at its bottom due to blunt force trauma during shipping.

Don't worry, HyperinflationHedge from OR. It's nuke proof.

My review: Apocalypse? More like mmmmmpocalypse!

By Eva Wolchover

The real story here is not that a French designer is selling Barbie foosball tables for $12,000, but that somewhere down a Paris back alley is a pile of little plastic arms.

By Ian Chillag

Every year around this time, Popular Science releases a list of the Ten Worst Jobs in Science. I didn't know there were such jobs as Sneeze Modeler, Dung Curator, and Oceanic-Snot Diver, but I wholeheartedly agree with their inclusion. I think I would really enjoy being a Bad Dance Observer, though, at least for a little while.

Full list & slideshow here.